The Right Question to Ask Your Horse


Too many horse owners issue ultimatums to their horses without knowing it. They demand, insist, and retaliate when their horse doesn’t do what they want. The price is usually paid by horses with no voice in the negotiation.

There isn’t always a right answer

Jumping courses are often referred to as a series of questions. The horse and rider answer the questions. The right answer gets them over one jump and sets them up for the next. I consider every interaction with a horse a question. Some have right answers and others have no purpose except getting an answer. 

What’s your favorite breed of horse?

Questions to Gather Information

This is an information-gathering question. You ask because you want to know the answer; there’s no right or wrong answer because you asked for an opinion. What would you think if someone asked you to name your favorite breed then slapped you when you responded? 

You wouldn’t be happy and may even smack ‘em back. 

Too many owners expect a specific answer to what the horse interprets as an information-gathering exercise. If the horse can’t read their mind, they think the horse was disrespectful. 

What happens if I ask you to jump a two-foot rail?”

Whatever happens is the answer. Be happy.

Demands Disquised as Questions

Jump the rail!” isn’t a question, but a demand. The only issue is whether your horse does it or not. And if not, are you mad, informed, or trying to figure out why your backside ended up in the sand? 

Imagine your husband saying, “Honey, you know I love meatloaf. What would happen if I bring home all the ingredients this afternoon?” He’ll be one happy camper if anything close to a meatloaf ends up on the table tonight. If it doesn’t, he has to figure out a better way to ask for what he wants or offer more help to make it happen. 

What if he innocently wanted meatloaf for dinner but said it this way, “Meatloaf. Tonight. On the table!” What are the chances he’d get it? Not only is meatloaf not happening, but the sparkle in your relationship takes a hit. I know that sounds silly, but I regularly witness the same communication chaos between riders and horses. 

Questions as Invitations

Some questions are invitations. While your little palomino mare nibbles sweet spring grass fifty feet from the fence, her brilliant white tail moving gently with the breeze, ears relaxed and happy, you stop in for a second and ask, “Wanna scratch?”

There’s no right or wrong answer. She’ll come over if she wants a scratch or won’t come if she’s happy where she is. Either is fine, yet some owners interpret a “no” as rejection or disrespect. Some owners would be wrong.

The Right Questions to Ask Your Horse

The questions you’ll use with your horse ninety-five percent of the time:

  • Have no right answer.
  • Don’t create pressure, and
  • Never produce angst or emotion.

When things don’t go according to plan with your horse, always check yourself first.

See the blue book cover in the right sidebar? The Art of Getting to Yes is an in-depth review of the power and strategic use of questions. And it’s FREE! Click on the cover.

Related Post: When Riding Goals Compete With One Another, Put Your Horse First

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Lynn Baber

Lynn Baber

Lynn is a best-selling Christian author encouraging and equipping the people of Christ to live in peace, power, and purpose using simple gospel principles.

Lynn Baber

Lynn Baber

Lynn is a best-selling Christian author encouraging and equipping the people of Christ to live in peace, power, and purpose using simple gospel principles.

2 Responses

  1. Hello,
    I wondered if you had tips to help with a cinchy horse that wants to walk off or through me as soon as I touch the strap to run it through the cinch…
    thank you

    1. Thank you for the question, Amy. Cinchy horses are fairly common. They get that way when the people working with them fail to recognize tiny signs of fear or discomfort and just push forward. Your horse’s reaction is a symptom of something else or a habit that can change like any other habit. For a moment, think of a reason you’d walk away from someone… The reason you’d leave is that he or she is doing something you don’t want them to. If a little kid sees Mom coming with a dose of castor oil, the kid is going to high-tail it unless she loves and trusts Mom enough to gulp it down and wait for the benefit.

      For many dogs, the minute they see the toenail clipper, they’re under the bed or out the pet door. The reason for escape is the same. History PROVES that the process is uncomfortable, stressful, or scary. You don’t fix fear of toenail clipping or cinchy horses in a day, and never by beginning with the problem itself.

      There is too much negative experience and not enough faith that the owner won’t do anything to upset the dog. Horse owners seldom want to make horse uncomfortable, but they do it all the time without realizing it.I applaud you for recognizing that your horse isn’t being disobedient, but is trying to communicate with you.

      Cinchy comes from poor saddling training or habits, uncomfortable tack, or association with negative riding experiences. The only fix is sensitivity and correcting the right problem, not the obvious one.

      Here’s an article on biting, but it mentions cinchy horses and the way to think about resolving the problem. Let me know if you need more ideas. You can use this link or just put cinchy in the search box in the sidebar.

      Does your horse walk away when you get on bareback?

      Blessings, Lynn

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