Few problems spontaneously fix themselves. Certain physical issues, like lacerations or sprains usually resolve themselves. Relationship issues, however, seldom resolve themselves without action. Bad things happen when you ignore problems.
When you pretend that a difficulty isn’t there, horses can reasonably assume approval because you didn’t complain, act, or stop the behavior the instant it began.
Ignoring Problems Isn’t a Plan
Ignoring destructive behaviors won’t make them go away. Whether we’re talking horses or humans, most undesirable actions originate in fear. No matter what they want you to think, bullies have serious self-esteem issues and acts of aggression are seldom the result of great confidence.
Disrespect is a symptom of unhealthy relationships, but behaviors many people interpret as disrespect are actually problems within the one acting out, not a lack of regard for them. You might be the catalyst and recipient of snarky behavior, but sometimes you’re not the cause.
Abusive horses or husbands don’t behave badly because they feel just so darn good about themselves. Quite the opposite, in fact. They’re afraid.
Bad behavior comes from bad places.
Bad behavior is often a cry for help. From horses, children, or adults.
Bad behavior often escalates when it’s a twisted way of seeking meaningful engagement. Abusive behavior can be the result of ignoring milder attempts for attention or interaction.
The first sign of poor saddle fit often manifests in minor resistance to cues or negative changes in performance. As the physical irritation increases, so does the horse’s frustration. Horses can’t schedule coffee conferences with you to discuss their concerns. Horse owners must learn to ask and to always give the horse the benefit of their doubt.
Irritation, Frustration, Resistance
The pain of poor saddle fit is exacerbated by poor riding skills. Shifting rider weight from side to side or front to back can nail a horse in an already painful spot. As the irritation grows the horse’s manner and degree of attempts to communicate change. Resistance grows and performance suffers.
In many cases, rearing, and bucking are screams for help. Pain is real. Sometimes it’s physical and sometimes it’s emotional or psychic. When pushed past their limits, both people and horses do things they wouldn’t dream of otherwise.
Have you ever had a stitch in your side? That grabbing knife-like pain that takes you out of the game until it miraculously disappears? What if some big oaf expected you to smile, stand up straight, and demonstrate runway model moves, threatening to smack you if you didn’t get it right?
Why Bad Behavior Escalates – Domestic Violence
I’m intimately familiar with domestic violence. (Mr. Baber was not involved!) I’m not prone to argument or fighting. It’s not my thing. My first husband behaved badly with (what he thought was) great creativity. When I didn’t rant, rave, or sob, his bad behavior escalated. He was determined to get me to break down or behave just as badly so he could feel justified in his behavior.
I didn’t play along. I tried to make sense of the situation by responding rationally. As you may know, that plan seldom works out. He escalated. He was frustrated because he didn’t get the response he wanted. I wasn’t the genesis of his problems and I wasn’t the solution. But I learned a lot about relationship issues.
Ignoring issues won’t fix them.
If your horse has a physical issue, try to fix it. At the very least, don’t make it worse. Failure to address it may eventually lead to relationship issues.
If you have a relationship problem with your horse or someone else, you have two major options:
- Try to fix the problem
- Leave the relationship
When it comes to relationship with a horse, you’re the responsible one. Not the horse. God requires us to be good stewards. That makes us accountable for the horse’s well being.
In all things, remember that grace is a good thing.
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Related Post: What to do when you or your horse is frustrated, acting out, or emotional
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